Families, we are born with them, in one way shape or form. It is within the crucible of families we learn how we will relate in our world.
The family is an essential part of being human, yet often we have a lot of challenges being a family, or part of one. In many ways our family relationships can be the most challenging we have. It is within the family we learn the foundations for our relationships. What we have learnt here, we apply in all our relationships, often without being aware of doing so. In many ways we are not even aware of these patterns we have learnt. Most often our internal models have little or no relevance to how we live now nor how we want our family to be. We need to be sure, that we as the adults, keep our emotional boundaries, this can then ensure we are not imposing our own unmet needs, on our children or partner.
The contemporary family can now be composed of, two parents living together, two families, a single parent, shared parenting or same sex parents. In most families parents are endeavouring to have a career, run a business, whilst also providing a loving and supportive home. At times it can feel like we are wandering along on some sort of auto pilot, just letting the programs run. Few of us have been provided with a healthy family model to live in, so we do the best we can with what we have. To create change, we first need to be willing to explore what our constructs of 'a family' are, for unless we do so, we are simply doing what has always been done.
In modern families we have so many distractions from having regular and loving, emotional contact with each other. Sometimes, just having a meal together can be a challenge, particularly with older children. There are more pressures on families now, than perhaps ever before, so how do we deal with this? Firstly we have to connect with how we see our 'self'. We can begin to seperate our emotional challenges/patterns from our child hood experiences. This opens up new possibilities for communications and connection. We need to be willing to open up about areas of conflict or difference, to allow resolutions. We need to be willing to take responsibility for our emotions and be willing to be honest about what we are doing within our relationships. We must cease blaming anyone, for what has happened and be willing to seek honest resolution. This allows us to see fresh opportunities.
Martin Male BSc has over 35 years experience, supporting people to create loving, healthy and fulfilling relationships.This is based in grounded, practical experience, not abstract theoretical concepts. This is about you creating and holding a clear sense of Who you are and what is important to you. You will be supported to create, develop and maintain a healthy relationship with yourself first, from here all else is created. For more details please click here.